Dan's Confession: A PhanFiction
by queerandpleasantdanger
Summary: Friendship has evolved into infatuation for Dan Howell (AKA Danisnotonfire), but he's terrified his best friend Phil Lester (AKA AmazingPhil) won't return his affection. An average London day coming to an end in Phil and Dan's shared flat, where Dan's just confessed his true feelings to Phil via a Totoro notebook, and is awaiting his response. SPOILER: explicit sexual content.


Dan sat at the end of his bed, staring intensely at his feet, determined not to let his eyes stray from their focus. Phil, perched with legs crossed, was scribbling furiously in his Totoro notepad, knee bouncing in unspoken rhythm. Forbidden from peeking, Dan passed the time by flexing each of his toes individually, reluctant to move from Phil's side but certain that his raw nerves had to be embarrassingly apparent. He and Phil had spent nearly five years in each other's consistent company; cracking bad jokes, making videos for their respective channels, strengthening the friendship that had existed from the moment they first met as lanky, angst-filled adolescent YouTubers. He smiled as he recalled all the birthday parties, comic conventions, shared friends and crazy exes; he had always been certain Phil thought of him as real mate and little else.

As long as he'd known him, Phil had been charmingly oblivious to the influence he had on others; but Dan knew that despite his aversion to the awkwardness of first dates and the flushed embarrassment that overcame him at the mention of his many admirers, Phil had always felt certain that when the right person came into his life, he would know immediately. Dan's shoulders slumped at the thought- despite their close camaraderie and Phil's apparent preference for the female sex, the past half-decade of Dan's life had been spent yearning for a different kind of affection from his best friend. The occasional fling or one night stand had the ability to ease his loneliness for only a short time, before he and Phil's friendship felt again like it could never be enough. They rarely spoke to each other seriously, instead spending their time watching movies and reading comics, one making obscene jokes and the other doubled over with laughter. Days spent together were nearly perfect, if only nights hadn't always brought their time together to an end.

Dan felt a hand rest on his knee, and reluctantly looked up. Phil was holding out the notepad and looking beyond Dan uncomfortably as his own trembling fingers reached out to take the collection of thoughts from the other's hand. Phil's eyes twitched to Dan's, and a fleeting smile pulled at his lips before he abruptly stood and crossed the room. Dan tore his eyes from Phil's retreating figure and made himself read the words written on the page: there were numerous lines written and furiously scratched off, making the remaining text difficult to decipher. Dan internally calmed himself and read;

_Dan. I think I understand what you mean. The time I've spent with you has been some of the best in my life, and whatever happens, I need to be sure we can always be friends. No matter what we become, losing you completely isn't an option. I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to about this stuff, but… I like you a lot. More than just a friend and more than a dinosaur :3. What I'm trying to tell you is, my answer is yes… but you should know that I'm scared._

_...and that I love you too._

Dan's gaze lingered on those four beautiful words, almost afraid to accept their truth. That phrase had spent so long locked within his fantasies, he was stunned to hold them in his hands. He sat paralyzed with disbelief and joy, his mind a tumult of joy, incredulity and nameless emotions that momentarily obscured his sight and made his head spin. Dan looked up from the paper, blinking away the tears tickling the corners of his eyes as he stood and crossed the room to where Phil stood with his face down and hands jammed into his pockets; where he finally did the one thing he had waited what seemed like a lifetime to do. He took Phil's face in his hands and kissed him. What passed between them in those interminable moments was unspeakable, an overwhelming flood of memories and missed opportunities, thoughts unexpressed in years of friendship- Dan pulled away and looked deeply into Phil's eyes, wondering how long he had been oblivious to the love that lingered in the man's gaze. Feeling a valve break within himself, the pressure he had kept hidden and building for years in his every vein and very bones finally exploded to the surface.

Dan took Phil's lips between his own, kissing him passionately and feeling his own body's ecstatic response. Phil grabbed his hips and drew him in closer, his touch filled with an urgency both foreign and wonderful. They stumbled toward the bed, bodies tangled and lines crossed, and collapsed within each other. Dan's fingertips explored the trivial places he had never before been able to touch, caressing everywhere from the back of Phil's neck to the place where his jaw was locked with tension, moving slowly downward toward the base of his spine. He felt the hard bulge of Phil's desire pressed to his thigh, and drew closer still, squirming and groaning and unable to pull himself away from their bodies' tense energy. Finally, Phil wrenched himself away from Dan and sat straddling his torso, unbuttoning his lover's shirt and then his own. He fumbled with his belt, refusing to break the hungry eye contact between them. He unzipped his pants and moved Dan's hand to his hard member, feeling a cry escape his lips as raw skin collided. Dan moved out from under Phil and buried his lips into his neck with gnawing passion, moving his hand violently up and down without reprieve, stroking the tender head of his penis and feeling Phil's climax approach as the moaning and panting man's hands clawed desperately at Dan's hair and back. Now biting at Phil's lower lip, he felt his partner's back arch and mouth fall open, releasing a sob of passion and ecstasy and cumming into Dan's waiting hand. Spent, Phil collapsed onto his new boyfriend's chest, laying there and catching his breath.

After a moment, Phil raised his head and looked quite seriously into Dan's attentive and adoring eyes. A minute had passed, when simultaneously the couple collapsed into fits of uncontrollable laughter, clinging to each other and hardly daring to believe that they lay in each other's arms. After settling down Dan grinned, his former characteristic sarcasm restored, and teased "what, spent so soon?" Phil eased his hand into Dan's pants and nibbled at his ear, smirked wickedly, and whispered "not even close".


End file.
